Here's Cheers for New Years
The terrible weight of 2005 has been removed from my skies forever. I still have the illusion of it being up there, poisoning and darkening each passing cloud, festering with all of my idleness and stupidity and faux-paus. But it has been pushed aside, uprooted like an infected mushroom parasol under which the ant was waiting for daybreak. The light streams cleanly down. ’06 is a clean slate. I have new colors with which to paint.
Resolutions? Not really. I have learned that I never stick to them and they’re forgotten by early February. Instead of the said resolutions, this time of year brings about realizations. Such as, I should be kinder to mom. I must not let the words fly carelessly out of my mouth as they used to. Looking back into those foggy ‘05 memories I see that I meant to be understanding but when we talked, my words were colored sulfurous by the air as soon as they departed my tongue. I never hated her, though she might have thought otherwise in some of the sagging parts of the history of our relationship. I just didn’t say things right. My arguments with her became very personal, and I think she felt like I’ve never loved her as much as Dad. Which is an arrant untruth.
If only there were some way I could show her that.
Also, it isn’t dire that I exercise more. I’m not overweight. Perhaps for the security of my future good health it would be advisable to, but it sure as hell isn’t dire.
College beckons. This is graduation year. I don’t know what to say about this. It seems good, and I hope I’m not in a desert and the prospect of wild and wondrous university years is not some fleeting mirage. I hope it changes me, and I hope I am content with the change.
Well, we have outgrown 2005.
I hope 2006 fits us well.